Motivations

My motivations wax and wane as many times as the day is long. I get so discouraged, so sad and down on myself- this sadness and discouragement leads me right back to my binges. It is a vicious cycle I long to break and never return to. I have been reading so many blogs today, so many thoughts and words and points of view, just to remember- remind myself- that no matter how often I feel otherwise, I AM NOT ALONE. We are, all of us here, going through some sort of struggle- for some it is a struggle to lose weight, for others it's something else, just as difficult, daunting, seemingly impossible at times. We all need a helping hand, a kind word, a push forward, a motivating speech. To that end, I give you this, go to his page, read his words, then read the rest of his blog, as I did today. What wonderful, sincere, motivating words:

There's Something I Need to Tell You (Jack Sh*t, Getting' Fit)

Going back to the way things were simply isn’t an option.

Indeed

Week 1: -8.6

This is how to do it. This is how to stick with it! I worked very hard last week, tracked every single morsel of food I ate, tracked every step I walked and every exercise I did- and in one week I lost 8.6lbs. I know, I KNOW, this is just my first week back and that was mostly just water weight. I also know, I KNOW, that I should never expect consistent weight loss at such a high number. Two or three pounds a week, sure, but surely not consistently -8.6lbs! It doesn't matter though, because I did it. I got through one week, and I am now -10lbs since I came back to Weight Watchers. This means just 12 more rounds of -10 and I'll be done. 12 little 10lb steps to walk down. So much more reasonable that thinking about the 120lbs (may as well be a ton) I have to lose! 12 steps down and I'll be at goal. I am so SO looking forward to that. But for now, to the weekly goals...

Goals from last week:

1. Stick with the WW Points+ program and stay within my daily points value. (Success!)
2. FInish C25K Week 2 Day 2 and 3. Start C25K Week 3 Day 1. (Success!)
3. Do weight training at the gym 3x. (Did not do this at all, will have to reassess this goal, maybe start smaller for now)
4. Drink 99oz of water. Keep hydrated. (Success!)

Goals for the week:

1. Stick with the WW Points+ program and stay within my daily points value- now dropped down to 42 per day.
2. Finish C25K Week 3 Day 2 and 3.
3. Mix in some other exercise (stationary bike, elliptical, a class maybe) this week as well.
4. Drink 100oz of water. Keep hydrated.

Ok, go!

Guess who's back, back again?

Kathryn's back, tell a friend. No, really, tell a friend, I need support people!!

What's been going on since I signed in and posted last (other than weight gain :( )? I signed up at Weight Watchers on 1/29- this being the third time I've signed up for it (I'm a repeat offender at starting diets, losing weight, cheating, gaining weight, dropping diets, starting diets, vicious cycle, really)... I started following the new points+ program on and off, and have 'officially' been on it since March 8th. I have to say, I like it, it's going to work for me.

I'm back here because I need support- don't get me wrong, I do get some support at home, but I feel like since I've been attempting to lose this weight for about a decade now, those around me are probably skeptical about whether or not this is going to work out. I know I can do this, I am really committed and have been following the plan and also exercising. I just want this to be the last time I utter these words, I can do this, I am doing this, I will do this.

Here's why I know that I'm definitely getting through to the other side as a thinner, healthier, happier person this time-- I'm an emotional eater, it's what I do. Sad? Food. Lonely? Food. Feeling left out, like I was today? Food. All I want to do when I feel this way, really, is buy food, hide in a movie theater, eat and watch a movie. Yeah, I've actually done that several times. All I wanted to do today when I felt a lonely and left out was think of running into my old habits, forget the fact that I've been doing so well, quit, cheat, and (that old familiar standby) 'start again fresh tomorrow'. But I didn't. One thing I've learned on weight watchers is to plan ahead, decide what I'm going to eat ahead of time, figure out how many points it is, and just fit it into my day- no feeling bad about what I'm eating, because there's no 'cheating', no 'bad foods'. So I did just that! First of all, I refused to revert to my old bad habits. I knew I wanted to have chipotle for dinner, so I just figured out how many points it would be and ate it as a meal- no overeating, just dinner.

*Here's how I figured out the nutritional facts in the food I had at chipotle (and used those to calculate the points+):
- Chipotle nutrition information calculator
- Subway nutrition information calculator

*In addition to following the WW Points+ program, I've been doing the Couch to 5K program. Right now I've completed all of Week 1 and Week 2 Day 1. I don't really like running right now, but since it's a combination of walking and running, I've actually been ok with doing it. I know the more I do the easier it get's and that's pretty great motivation itself.

Goals for the week:

1. Stick with the WW Points+ program and stay within my daily points value.
2. FInish C25K Week 2 Day 2 and 3. Start C25K Week 3 Day 1.
3. Do weight training at the gym 3x.
4. Drink 99oz of water. Keep hydrated.

Yeah, I'm back. :)

Weigh-in: 268.4lbs

This morning the scale read 6.4lbs less than it did just 3 days ago. I know this is just 'water weight' as they call it, but weight off is weight off and I'll definitely take it! Knowing I did so well is going to help keep me on track for the rest of the day and the weekend.

Another day, another hurdle... I'm going to a dinner party tonight and on the menu is seafood pallela. I have an idea about what all the ingredients are, and there's nothing too terrible in there. Lots of olive oil. I'm only going to have about one cup. I'm using the nutrition information I found online to estimate how many calories, etc it contains: 345 calories, 11g fat, 2g fiber, 20g protein- hopefully what I eat will be close to this and not many more calories and fat! I will not eat more than one cup, just to make sure...

Hurdle ahead

Day 3, and I'm facing a hurdle. Usually, I have work until 5:30, then class in the evenings 3 days a week. It's tough bringing all my food for the day with me every morning, but at least it means I have structure around my meal times. Today will be different, because I work only half day today, which means I wont have the work distraction after 2pm. I've planned what I'm going to eat today and brought a portion of it with me to work, but I still leave early and it's all those hours after work I'm worried about. It's gorgeous outside and smells like people are cooking everywhere- what is it about being on a diet that heightens your awareness of delicious smells?! My goal by the end of the day is to go through the day as planned- visit the local farmer's market, go to the gym for almost 2 hours, then come home and prepare dinner- all without straying from the planned menu. No cheating, not even a little bit.

I'll check in later today, after I get read for bed and report back on how well I did. I'm looking forward reporting another successful day. Tomorrow morning is my first 'official' weigh-in after these kick-start three days. I will be weighing in on Fridays from now on.

. . . . .

Alright, I did it! I didn't just get through the day, I got through walking by the mall food court and not even giving it a glance. I got through going to the grocery store and not giving in to the horrible-for-me fried prepared foods. I got through the farmer's market with the baked cookies and breads and pies (I thought farmer's markets were supposed to be healthy?! lol). I got through another day.

After all that, here's what I had for dinner... Mexican style chicken sausage with salad, delicious!

Day two

Day 2 of preparing my way down to 150 has come and gone, and I have to say it was definitely easier than Day 1. I basically went through today eating one meal and looking forward to my next meal. It seems weird, but I think about food and obsess over what I'm eating a lot more now than I did before I was trying to eat healthier. Mindless eating is what got me into this fat mess in the first place, so mindful eating will get me out of it!

First successful day!

It's almost midnight, which means I made it! I've gone through one whole day without cheating. It was tough, but I did it. It definitely took a lot of willpower. How soon until eating only what I'm supposed to comes naturally again? On and off and on and off for the past few months, I've been driving myself crazy, trying and failing so many times to get back on track. The key word is preparation, preparation preparation. Ok, so Monday I was also prepared and went through the day and did great, then failed spectacularly at dinner time. Today was almost no different, except when hunger and cravings and the evil little voice saying cheat, cheat, cheat struck around 4:30pm, I didn't reach for my wallet, go buy more junk food, and stuff myself silly. I stopped in my tracks and drank some more water, tried to distract myself, then had the snack of hummus and carrots I had prepared last night and ready for today. I even went to the gym after work. It was a short session because the gym was about to close and probably for the best, since I haven't worked out any in months and months and months, but I went, and I exercised, and I made my goal of 10,000 steps today and it feels great. A little sore, mostly great.