Friday, June 25, 2010

Fattest person in the room

I'm sure normal sized people don't do this. Right? But when I walk into a room- classroom, conference room, party, bar, gym, wherever- I look around to see if I'm the fattest person in the room. I'm sad to say that most of the time, I am. I'm the girl who feels too giant for the classroom seats, too large for the outfit I'm wearing, too uncomfortable dancing with my much smaller friends. I feel like I'm gawked at and ignored all at the same time. Looked down upon for being so big, but also completely ignored by the opposite sex- again, for being so big. I know that I miss out on things because I am so overweight, if for no other reason than because I exclude myself because I don't feel comfortable going out, etc. Self-imposed exile because I can't control the extreme overeating enough to lose this weight, this burden, once and for all.

I can't wait to be just a few sizes smaller. I'm an 18-20 right now, and I really think that in just a few sizes, perhaps at a 14-16, I will really feel much more 'normal'. This means that it will now take me -72lbs (since, of course, I gained back all the weight I lost before and added some more to it) to feel like just another person in the room. A little overweight, but not ginormous, not obese. I can't wait.