Weigh-in: 268.4lbs

This morning the scale read 6.4lbs less than it did just 3 days ago. I know this is just 'water weight' as they call it, but weight off is weight off and I'll definitely take it! Knowing I did so well is going to help keep me on track for the rest of the day and the weekend.

Another day, another hurdle... I'm going to a dinner party tonight and on the menu is seafood pallela. I have an idea about what all the ingredients are, and there's nothing too terrible in there. Lots of olive oil. I'm only going to have about one cup. I'm using the nutrition information I found online to estimate how many calories, etc it contains: 345 calories, 11g fat, 2g fiber, 20g protein- hopefully what I eat will be close to this and not many more calories and fat! I will not eat more than one cup, just to make sure...

Hurdle ahead

Day 3, and I'm facing a hurdle. Usually, I have work until 5:30, then class in the evenings 3 days a week. It's tough bringing all my food for the day with me every morning, but at least it means I have structure around my meal times. Today will be different, because I work only half day today, which means I wont have the work distraction after 2pm. I've planned what I'm going to eat today and brought a portion of it with me to work, but I still leave early and it's all those hours after work I'm worried about. It's gorgeous outside and smells like people are cooking everywhere- what is it about being on a diet that heightens your awareness of delicious smells?! My goal by the end of the day is to go through the day as planned- visit the local farmer's market, go to the gym for almost 2 hours, then come home and prepare dinner- all without straying from the planned menu. No cheating, not even a little bit.

I'll check in later today, after I get read for bed and report back on how well I did. I'm looking forward reporting another successful day. Tomorrow morning is my first 'official' weigh-in after these kick-start three days. I will be weighing in on Fridays from now on.

. . . . .

Alright, I did it! I didn't just get through the day, I got through walking by the mall food court and not even giving it a glance. I got through going to the grocery store and not giving in to the horrible-for-me fried prepared foods. I got through the farmer's market with the baked cookies and breads and pies (I thought farmer's markets were supposed to be healthy?! lol). I got through another day.

After all that, here's what I had for dinner... Mexican style chicken sausage with salad, delicious!

Day two

Day 2 of preparing my way down to 150 has come and gone, and I have to say it was definitely easier than Day 1. I basically went through today eating one meal and looking forward to my next meal. It seems weird, but I think about food and obsess over what I'm eating a lot more now than I did before I was trying to eat healthier. Mindless eating is what got me into this fat mess in the first place, so mindful eating will get me out of it!

First successful day!

It's almost midnight, which means I made it! I've gone through one whole day without cheating. It was tough, but I did it. It definitely took a lot of willpower. How soon until eating only what I'm supposed to comes naturally again? On and off and on and off for the past few months, I've been driving myself crazy, trying and failing so many times to get back on track. The key word is preparation, preparation preparation. Ok, so Monday I was also prepared and went through the day and did great, then failed spectacularly at dinner time. Today was almost no different, except when hunger and cravings and the evil little voice saying cheat, cheat, cheat struck around 4:30pm, I didn't reach for my wallet, go buy more junk food, and stuff myself silly. I stopped in my tracks and drank some more water, tried to distract myself, then had the snack of hummus and carrots I had prepared last night and ready for today. I even went to the gym after work. It was a short session because the gym was about to close and probably for the best, since I haven't worked out any in months and months and months, but I went, and I exercised, and I made my goal of 10,000 steps today and it feels great. A little sore, mostly great.

Fattest person in the room

I'm sure normal sized people don't do this. Right? But when I walk into a room- classroom, conference room, party, bar, gym, wherever- I look around to see if I'm the fattest person in the room. I'm sad to say that most of the time, I am. I'm the girl who feels too giant for the classroom seats, too large for the outfit I'm wearing, too uncomfortable dancing with my much smaller friends. I feel like I'm gawked at and ignored all at the same time. Looked down upon for being so big, but also completely ignored by the opposite sex- again, for being so big. I know that I miss out on things because I am so overweight, if for no other reason than because I exclude myself because I don't feel comfortable going out, etc. Self-imposed exile because I can't control the extreme overeating enough to lose this weight, this burden, once and for all.

I can't wait to be just a few sizes smaller. I'm an 18-20 right now, and I really think that in just a few sizes, perhaps at a 14-16, I will really feel much more 'normal'. This means that it will now take me -72lbs (since, of course, I gained back all the weight I lost before and added some more to it) to feel like just another person in the room. A little overweight, but not ginormous, not obese. I can't wait.

Experiments in cooking and self control

Since I gained all this weight eating fast food over and over again for the past few years, I never had a chance to learn how to cook proper, great-tasting, healthy meals for myself. Now I find myself craving the fast food I am not allowed to eat, and in order to avoid it at all costs, I have been obsessively searching for recipes online that might satisfy the cravings. It seems I'm transferring my daily bad eating habits to a daily need to look up new recipes and try to cook things that sound enticing to me. At least, I hope this is what I'm doing, because that means I'm finally doing something right! Here is an example from today- home made Chinese take-out, very tasty!


Sichuan-Style Chicken With Peanuts and Garlic Ginger Bok Choy
(373 Calories, 22g Fat, 30g Protein)

And the rest? So far so good. I've kept up going to the gym, even with the day off Sunday to rest my sore muscles, I've gone to the gym a total of 5 out of 6 days so far. :) Self control? No cheating, no falling off the wagon, no sneaking in extras, I've been good. I even managed to get out of the grocery store without buying the box of cheddar and herb biscuit mix (just add butter and milk!). I have to say that was really tough! Perhaps hitting up the grocery store after the gym, all tired and hungry, was probably the opposite of a good idea!

Here we go, another week!

Cooking and the gym, a new approach to getting thin

And so I'm back, from outer space!

The last time I was in here was December 16th, so I guess that makes it almost 3 months ago? Almost 3 months and regaining all the weight I lost the previous 3 months. Here we go again? Except for this, this time I'm back because I've been scared straight. You know those videos they show you before you start driving, the one's where people are splayed all over the road and there's blood everywhere? They're supposed to deter you from speeding and skipping stop signs and driving drunk. Well, I've been scared straight into eating right and exercising. I knew all these bad eating habits were wreaking havoc on my body and my health, we all know that eating poorly reflects in future bad health, but there's nothing like a good scared straight video, or lecture in this case, to remind of of what you already know.

I went to a lecture and the researcher outlined all the things they found wrong with a group of people acting like couch potatoes for just one week-- healthy people who were kept immobile for a week started developing signs of diabetes, high blood pressure, and kidney failure. Granted, I'm not completely immobile, but yikes. Just one week! My bad habits have been culminating for years! Fortunately, they also found that resuming normal activity for just two days after five days of immobility pretty much reversed all the negative they had done. Hope! I can reverse all the bad I have done to my health, in addition to losing 110 of these 260lbs. Now all I have to do is get back to those healthy habits. Ah, reversing bad habits and making new good habits stick. The hard part. How appropriate, then, that soon after I heard that talk and started worrying about my terrible eating and lack of exercise, I came across this article- How to Change Your Bad Habits

The take-home message? "Then she tells me something wonderful: All I have to do is force myself to exercise regularly for about two weeks, maybe three, and my brain will start producing a protein called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which she calls Miracle-Gro for the brain. It increases brain plasticity, so you can think clearly and focus for longer periods of time. It also increases dopamine neurotransmission, which means the more I exercise, the more reward I get, and the more my dopamine system is activated to make exercising a habit I'll soon crave."

Ok. go. :) I started going to the gym Wednesday, then again Thursday. I will be going tonight, and tomorrow, and you get the point... I'm back.

As for eating healthy? Well, I've also started cooking healthy lunches and dinner and as an added incentive will now be posting some pictures of the recipes I've tried. Fun times, and also delicious! As always, I will put the details about what I eat on a daily basis in my Daily Food Journal. And now, some pictures...

Shrimp Scampi Pasta
(497 Calories, 10.6g Fat, 47g Protein)

Black Beans and Rice with Avocado, Salsa, and Sour Cream
(545 Calories, 36g Fat, 15.55g Protein)

Eggs with leeks, bell pepper, mushrooms, parmesan, and an English muffin
(250 Calories, 15g Fat, 16g Protein)


Baked Cod Casserole
(328 Calories, 13g Fat, 29g Protein)