Hurt so good

        You know the pain and muscle soreness that comes from a great day at the gym? Abs hurting when you laugh because they have been crunched and twisted and exercised so hard? I like that feeling. I call it the good hurt and I look forward to it-- it makes me feel like I am achieving something through all my hard work exercising. Plus, it's an added benefit to know my body will be burning some extra calories repairing whatever it is that is causing the soreness in the muscles. I can't wait for the good hurt, I can already feel it in my legs from the long walk I took yesterday. Now I just need to exercise my abs, so I can feel it there too.

        Lately I've been feeling a different kind of good hurt, and I have to say it both makes me feel good and scares me. We all know that in order to lose weight we have to take in less calories than we burn, etc. Well, even with eating 6 times a day I am now taking in very much less calories than I was just a few months ago, and for the last 8 years. This has meant that almost every morning I wake up with a slight gnawing in my stomach. Sometimes I feel it during the day too. But it's not a horrible pain, like I used to get when I hadn't eaten all day and my body was asking for the one large meal a day I was scarfing down. No, this is more of a constant empty feeling, but not bad empty. I am not over full. I have not felt the extreme discomfort that comes after eating way more than is ever necessary for a long time now and I never want to feel it again. What scares me though is that I am getting used to the gnawing empty feeling. I am actually looking forward to it, and happy to feel it. I have started to equate this feeling to the weight loss, which really, it is. The less I eat, the more I lose. I am, however, scared that this will take me too far into the other direction. Back into the place of disordered eating... but the other side this time... Eating too little, starving myself because it feels good and the weight loss feels so great! I know that knowing is half the battle and I have to keep myself in check now. Make sure I am still getting in all my meals, make sure I am eating no less than 1200 calories a day, and make sure I don't stop eating because the weight loss feels so good. That will surely end badly, and I've adopted this lifestyle change to be healthier, not make my health deteriorate more!


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        On a lighter note, today starts the first day of the Looking to the Future Christmas Challenge, and I am happy to report that as of this morning I am 242.6lbs. My goal is to lose 12.6lbs by the end of the challenge (Saturday December 26th), bringing me to 230lbs and also making this the first Christmas holiday I weigh less after than I did before! :)